We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
