I just threw up on my dentist
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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