when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
