Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
