So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
