and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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