I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
