it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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