Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
