i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Randomize
