john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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