she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
