walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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