I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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