That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
