I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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