Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize