I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
