yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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