You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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