You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
