So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
