Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
