What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize