were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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