When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
