just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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