new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
