PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
