The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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