just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize