wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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