whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
