dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize