Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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