don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
