I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
