obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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