Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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