THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
