Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize