she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
