I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
