Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
