After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
