East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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