I've blown a few things in my day
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize