I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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