Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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