I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
