3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
