im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
