when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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