I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
