i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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