It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
