we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
