i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
