That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
