You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
