Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
