Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
