Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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