Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
