last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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