how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My ATM looks so different sober.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You made out with two different species that night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
