That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize