It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
