Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
