I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
