The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
