right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize