I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I did not marry a roomba.
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