She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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