You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
