So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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