Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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