So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
