so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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