By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
