Quick, to the slutcave!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
why is half of my head shaved?
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