how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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