what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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