there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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