I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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