Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
