Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
