My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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