I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
