i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
