I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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