Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
