i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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