There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
