i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love accidental penises.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize