coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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