I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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