you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize