Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
