i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize