trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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