HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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