Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
