apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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