So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
