well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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