I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Life is so much better after having sex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
