If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize