she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize