ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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