Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
