Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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