Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
