Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His hands were made for my vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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