This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
