No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
