I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
