Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
