Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
