Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
