I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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